my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
