DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
