Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
