So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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