Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
