a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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