I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
