My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
