I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
