Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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