Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
