I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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