Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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