The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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