Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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