I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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