I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You pole danced in your parka.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
