shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
