he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
