While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
