Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
farters have to be the big spoon...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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