I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
