margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You are a genius and a whore.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
