Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize