Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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