Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
