Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
