I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
