Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
