Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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