Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
