I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
