You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
