Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
