drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
