Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Is Oprah even human
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
