So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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