I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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