I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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