dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
