At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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