Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
They took my balls.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
