I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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