When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
