She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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