i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
