I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
