Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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