Small penises have feelings too.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
