He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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