well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
