so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
