Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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