Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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