Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
